Cohen the Barbarian
Cohen the Barbarian
 |
A figure from Clarecraft. His eye patch covers his left eye. I can find no mention in any book of which eye should be covered and the large resin figures by Clarecraft have had patches on both. As Terry approves all these figures before they are allowed to go on sale this means one of two things. Either Terry has forgotten which eye it is or as discussed on a Discworld forum Cohen is faking it, using the patch as another ploy to put off his opponents and due to his age quite often forgets which eye to cover. I felt that the sword was a little small so a bit of conversion work raised his arm and added a real hero's sword! At the 2004 Discworld Convention I was told he shouldn't have this sword because in the Warhammer World it belongs to a Demon. I explained that as he was taking on the Gods themselves in The Last Hero a Demon would be a piece of cake. |
 |
Troll Bridge was an original story by Terry Pratchett from 1992. It has been published in a collection of short stories "After the King: Stories in Honour of J.R.R. Tolkien" and recently re-released in "Once More, With Footnotes". Cohen now 87, the world's last barbarian hero realises that he hasn't faced the ultimate challenge: to defeat a troll in single combat. Based on this story the screen play was written by Daniel Knight and the film is being made by Snowgum Films, a keen and enthusiastic group of film-makers based in Melbourne, Australia. The live action has been filmed and the project is now in post production having all the special effects created. This is a lengthy and gruelling process and it is hoped to have every thing completed by the end of 2004, but don't hold them to it. This constructed image is based on the actual bridge near Creswick which was used in the filming. |
 |
Cohen is the Clarecraft figure again. This time he has been given a more basic shaped sword to which I cut some nicks on its edges. I have added the sheepskin rapped round his shoulders and wrist bands as worn by, Bob Wood, the actor playing him plus the bandage to the knee from the original story in milliput. A wire cigarette finished the conversion. I used the available stills from the film to base the colour scheme in which Cohen and the horse have been painted. At some time in the film Cohen's sword is covered in blue lightning, an effect that doesn't come off to well in paint. |
 |
Mr. Snuggles (the only person on the film set who could legitimately say they had their own trailer) played the part of the wizard's horse. I did question Daniel about him as he looked a bit too healthy for the discription.His reply thankfully was " I really wanted to get a horse which was a lot thinner as described in the story, but unfortunately (or I guess fortunately) all the horses we looked at had been well looked after. An older horse wouldn't have been able to carry the actor. We also didn't include a haemorrhoid ring because the chances of it being in shot (and recognisable) were slim. But if we had of had the time we would have made one. :-)" |
 |
I couldn't find a skinny horse so made him from the parts of two plastic ones. The body came in two halves which I thinned by 4mm before sticking together. The head and neck were cut and thinned to fit and give the required angle. I remodelled the ears so that they pointed forwards and raised the corner of his mouth to try and give the suggestion that he could talk. The tail and saddle cover were modelled from the pre-production stills to which I added a saddle bag and haemorrhoid ring. |
 |
The diorama shows him stepping onto the bridge. The bridge wall is wrong as I based it on the stone work shown on the outside face of the bridge only to find it looks different on the inside face. I also missed out a row of stones in the effect I was trying to create. Various bits of vegetation are at the side and a muddy path has replaced the asphalt one. If you want to know more about the film click on
either of the logos above or below. |
Design Notes
Ghenghiz Cohen the Barbarian
Skinny little 87 year old. Totally bald, a grubby beard almost to knees that could made a loincloth unnecessary from point of view of decency, match stick legs with varicose veins that looked like street maps. Black patch over one eye. Inspired by Twoflower, he now has a set of false teeth made from a troll's diamond teeth. Thin body is a network of scars, you could play noughts and crosses on him, and twanging white-hot tendonitis. Suffers from lumbago, arthritis, backache, piles and bad digestion, smells of peppermints. Wears studded leather holdall or loincloth and pair of boots that could accommodate a 2nd pair of feet. Sword grip smooth with use and edge like a badly maintained saw. Rolls his own cigarettes.
In the Troll Bridge he had never fought a troll before. He wore a tiny leather kilt and a dirty bandage over one knee. His sword was kept in pack on his horse's back. Tobacco pouch in saddlebag. Horse was bought off a wizard and talked. Horse looks like a large white shrink wrapped toast rack and has a haemorrhoid ring tied on the saddle and a saddle bag.
Has written a book, with C.M.O.T.'s help "Inne Juste 7 dayes I wille make You a Barbearian Hero!"
His answer, when asked what are the greatest things in life, is: "hot water, good dentistry and soft lavatory paper".
Cohen appeared in Interesting Times with his gang called the Silver Horde, they are psychotic pensioners, none of them would seem to be a day under eighty. At one time he had a makeshift belt from manacles with two swords wedged in. Kept a knife in his belt. Following this he became The Emperor Ghengiz Cohen of the Agatean Empire.
Bethan
17 year old virgin who was about to be sacrificed In The Light
Fantastic, rescued by Cohen who she subsequently married - one of
a number of 'wives'. Attractive but pale in long white robe with
a gold torc round her neck.
The Silver Horde - matched the colour of their hair, those that have any.
Armoury of notched blades, various home-made surgical supports, spectacles and dentures. Long woolly combinations and strange elasticated things with tiny leather loincloths and bits of fur and chainmail
Boy Willy aka Mad Bill, Wilhelm the Chopper, The Great... under 80 years old, dehydrated but marginally less wrinkled than the others. Extremely thick soles to boots (orthopaedic problems as both legs are shorter than the other). Sword, pipe and tobacco. P25
Mad Hamish - wheelchair with blades, helmet with horns and looks like a wizen little monkey. 105 years old. Ate gruel which dribbles down his beard. Two axes. He hides his own and the other Horde members weapons under a rug when required. TLH Ancient wheelchair mounted on skis and covered with rags of blankets and animal skins. Beady animal eyes. Barrel strapped behind the chair. P27
Truckle the Uncivil - uses herbal suppositories. Beard. Has walking sticks with LOVE and HATE on them. Carries a grubby piece of paper with civilised swear words written on it (dang, darn, heck, etc.). P24
Caleb the Ripper - frail man of 85 with a crusty beard with knots in it. Wears a shirt and leather. Has killed more than 400 men with his bare hands and two with their bare hands. P75
Teach (Ronald Saveloy) - slight figure, tall stick like. Slightly goat faced with a amiably absent minded expression and fringe of white hair. Looks like a daisy from above. Orthopaedic sandals. Chainmail vest slightly too big for him with a pocket with three different coloured pens in a leather pocket protector. Huge scabbard strapped to his back with a variety of scrolls and brushes but no sword. Ex-Geography teacher. Normally didn't fight, just there to civilise the rest. Given a sword by Willie Boy and a chocolate shield by Caleb, who also had one. Reads books and can make maps.
Old Vincent - 87 years old. TLH has died choked to death on a cucumber.
Thog the Butcher - unable to join the Horde in Interesting Times as he has to stop fighting every 10 minutes to go to the lavatory.
The Last Hero - They were taking a 50lb keg of Agetean
Thunder Clay back to the Gods. The special detonator for
this is to smash a jar of acid inside the mixture, the
acid soaks in then kablooie. P47
Mr Pretty thin human minstrel dressed in brightly coloured clothes. lute. To be paid by a leather bag of rubies to write a saga of the Hordes deaths. P42 after a few encounters was white faced, one leg of his tights had been ripped off, he was soaking wet , parts of his clothes were singed and part of the lute had been bitten away. Made a primitive lyre using a skull as a sound box. Raised in the faith of The Almighty Nuggan and so forbidden to eat chocolate, ginger, mushrooms and garlic.
Vena the Raven Haired/ Mrs McGarry - attractive or had been 30 years ago when she was also tall. Now grey hair. Retired to marry Charlie and run an inn. Now has grandchildren, Charlie died, found a scroll to get to the Cori Celesti the mountain at the hub where the Gods live. Knits rolls her own balls from skeins of wool, current ball pink. Large sword. P40 Also does embroidery -sampler with EAT COLD STEEL PIGDOG surrounded by little flowers. Forget-me-nots around BURN THIS HOUSE. Handkerchief in armoured corset
Evil Harry Dread started out may years ago with two boys
and his Shed of Doom and Slasher the Steed of Terror (a
donkey with a nasty bite). A Mad Demon Lord for a while
with a Temple of Terror on his allotment. Fought Caleb
once when he was the Doomed Spider God P53
Dat's Me - enormous troll P54
Slime 1 P55
Slime 2 spikes P59
Butcher enormous man, jailer carries keys on a big hook on his belt P56
Armpit P57
Gak old zombie mainly just a skeleton P58
Other Heroes
Ning the Uncompassionate - Billy boy nailed his head to
a tree.
Pamdar the Witch Queen had a throne on top of a pile of
skulls - retired and married Mad Hammish - it didn't last
now runs a shop, Pam's Pantry and makes not very good
marmalade.
TLH camp fire with soot encrusted pot of walrus gruel, walrus stakes and a pile of large fish fillets which had been inexpertly wrapped in saffron robes and carried in Hamish's lap.